Ramblings from the OLD one

WARNING!!! Straight talk ahead...

Well I really can't believe how incredibly fast time flies. I'm feeling super old today. Yes, yes, everybody tells me that turning 35 is still young...well I sure don't feel it. Of course with me it never is about the actual age, but what I don't have in my life at this age.

Yes of course I'm happy with the things I've been able to accomplish in life. I've lived in several states, travelled to many places and have a great family. I've been blessed to have been able to serve the Lord as his emissary in the country of Ecuador as a full-time missionary. I was blessed to teach and love the people and learn a second language.

I've been blessed to work for a company that allowed me to continue my education and financially supported my graduate degree program so that I could earn my MBA.

I've been blessed to have been in a position to buy my first home earlier this year. Some may think I should have invested in a home earlier in my life but I have done so now and am truly happy with my purchase. I don't care that it is a 3 bedroom house or that there are those who think it is too big of a house for a single person to have. I'm just going with: "if you build it, they will come"...

I have been blessed with a wonderful family who loves me and I can feel of their love everyday. And while all of these blessings should be enough to make me feel whole or happy, I sadly am not. I hesitate to express my true feelings but writing is a release for me. I never thought that at my age I would still be single and without children. Yes I have 10 wonderful nieces and nephews but it is not the same. They don't call me "mommy". My mother was raising 5 children by the time she was my age. I know we've led very different lives but I can't help to compare my inadequacies. My sister who is 6 years younger than me has 3 children. While I am extremely happy for all of my married siblings and their families, I cannot help but feel terrible loss that I cannot share those same blessings. Kris was just married this weekend and while I am very happy he has been able to find his true love, I cannot believe he got married before me!!!

I was at a friend's baby shower a couples of weeks ago and there were maybe about 20 women there. As I looked around the room at the 15 or so women I did know and who are friends of mine, I had this overwhelming feeling that I did not belong. Every one of them have children (or are currently pregnant) and spend time together at playgroups, b-day parties for their kids, primary activities, etc and it made me so sad to think that I was not a part of the biggest part of their lives. As I was leaving, the host asked me, "Would you like to take some cookies home to your husband?" I know that she did not know that I was single and meant no harm whatsoever but while I'm used to similar comments, it felt like a knife to my heart. I would have loved to take some cookies home to my husband...if I had one.

I always thought I would be raising my children with my friends. My two best girlfriends each have 4 kids and it saddens me that I can't go through the same spouse/children ups and downs that happen in their lives. I'm rarely invited to hang out with my married friends and their spouses because they do the couples thing together and they probably think I would feel like a third wheel...and truthfully, I probably would! It just saddens me that I can't be a part of that world with them. I'm not quite sure where I belong.

I'm tired of hearing "your time will come", "this is your year", "there's someone really special being prepared for you", etc... I'm not having a pity party, truly, it's just that I feel such loss for some of the greatest blessings the lord has to give.

Another year gone by. Another year of being alone. Most times I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a crowded room screaming and no-one hears me.

I can only pray that I can find a fulfilling happiness and peace in the blessings I do have and not the ones I long for.

Happy Birthday to me.

Kris & Christina's Wedding

Saturday November 22, 2008 marked the day that Kris and Christina became ONE... Congratulations to the new Mr & Mrs Conte! We are so happy to have Christina in our family.

The wedding ceremony was held at Christina's church (Our Lady of Grace) in Palm Bay. It was a beautiful ceremony made special with Papa singing a couple of songs. Kris and Christina pledged their love for one another and truly I am happy for them both.

Here they are in their true fabulous personalities...! Taa-Haa!!!

There was the first dance... So Sweet!

The reception was so much fun! There was a lot of dancing going on! I do beleive I caught the bouquet! I beleive that for those who catch the boquet, they DON'T get married - I guess I'm just keeping with tradition...

It was really nice to be able to spend time with family on such a joyous occasion. Joel, Andrea and the kids stayed with me at my house and I really enjoyed having them there and getting to know little Jules since it was the first time I had seen her. She is such a sweetie! Just look at that face!

I know Papa was enjoying having his sister and brother here - just looks at these goofballs! What sibling love!

Well I wish all the love and happiness life has to offer for the newlywed couple. Congrats Kris & Christina! Mucho amor!

Tagged!

I was tagged by my friend Janet - she claims she meant BOTH Jill's, but I dunno!


8 Things I am obsessed about right now:

1. My nieces and Nephews

2. The Twilight Saga

3. Facebook

4. Upcoming B-day

5. Celebrating completion of MBA

6. Ice Cream Sandwiches

7. Getting my house organized (pics on walls)

8. Thoughts of never being a mom



8 Words or Phrases I use:

1. Whatever!

2. For serious!

3. I don't think so

4. Yep

5. Mmmmmm hmmmmm

6. Where you at?

7. I'm done with school!

8. What? or What you say? (thanks to Maddy) lol



8 TV shows you love to watch:

1. The Amazing Race

2. Survivor

3. Top Chef

4. Project Runway

5. CSI (LV & NY)

6. Criminal Minds

7. Heroes

8. 24 & Lost



8 Things I did yesterday:

1. Woke up on time (yay me!)

2. Went to work

3. Ate a peanut butter & honey sammich for lunch

4. Felt sad for my good friends Chris & Drew's loss of their mother

5. Had dinner at Chili's with friend

6. Watched Quantum of Solace at theatre

7. Got home late

8. Prayed



8 Favorite Places to Eat:

1. PF Chang's

2. Red Lobster

3. Del Frisco's

4. Tejas (Texas) de Brazil

5. Firehouse Subs

6. Roadhouse

7. Cafe Rio

8. Pizza Gallery



I tag: Mom

Christina's Bridal Shower 11-8-08

Well I'm a week late in blogging about my soon to be sister-in-law's Bridal Shower! It was a nice day with fun games. Here's the Bride-to-Be!

We played a fun game of dressing up a model as a TP Bride... Here are all three and my group (with Janet as model) won!

Something borrowed... a special gift from her mom to wear for her wedding day...

Nobody can ever take a clear picture when using my camera!!!! Grrr... oh well! New Sisters!

5 days and counting! Saturday we celebrate Kris and Christina as they become Husband and Wife!

Halloween 2008

Sooooo...... last night my sister Janet and I took Maddy and Thatcher trick-or-treating. What an event! Jess was still a little too sore to walk around with the kids after just having Ruthie a few weeks ago, so Janet and I walked the walk!



They looked so cute in their costumes. Miss Madeline was a (good) witch - Grandma Conte made her costume for her. She sure was rocking her boots!



Mr. Thatcher was quite the adorable (argh) pirate! Daddy gave him some facial hair to boot and my, my, my... too cute!



So I'm thinking that I may not do this trick-or-treat thing until I have kids (which at the rate I'm going may be never)! Just kidding! I was literally dragging Thatcher along while he stared in awe at everything and everyone around him! I kept saying, "walk Thatcher, walk"! I was afraid I was going to pull his arm out of the socket! Additionally, he just would not let go of my finger, so of course I had to go to each and every door with them...and then had to drag them both away! It was exhausting! ;P



But seriously, I had a wonderful time with them. They are just so full of life and have a desire to experience everything they come in contact with. There was this really big guy (teen) that had on camouflage, with twigs and branches covering him. He came out of nowhere and startled me so I said, "whoa! stealth mode"! So Maddy thought that was his name and she kept saying, "that Stealth Mode was really scary. Stealth Mode needs to stay away from us so he doesn't scare us"! Super cute!

Maddy was busy trying to keep her hat on because it was so windy. I told her it was a good time to jump on her broom and fly away but she was afraid she might fall off if she got too high in the air! taa-haa! Aren't kids great?!



I don't know how Thatcher was carrying his pumpkin full of candy! That thing was full and super heavy. He kept dragging it on the ground and slapping it against him and I tried to help carry it for him but he kept reaching his hand out and wanted to carry it himself!



I enjoyed raiding their candy after we got back to grandma and grandpa's house! Really, I only took ONE Reese's Cup and that was it (of course I did take three to go... shhh... don't tell anyone)!

Little Miss Ruthie was super adorable as a "leopard kitty" as Maddy called her! Here she is just chillin' with Grandpa Conte... All in all, great fun was had by all!